I need to get this out and I figure here is probably the best place to do that. I well may delete it later, but for now, I just need it to be somewhere other than in my head.
Despite being married, despite Cara having both a mum and a dad, I am truly fed up with being a single-parent with two full time jobs and I just want my husband to realise that. I work full-time as a Secondary school teacher. I have done so since Cara was 6 months old. It's not something I particularly enjoy - it's done more as a 'need' than a 'want'. My other full-time job is obviously being a mum. Cara is at a age where she has dropped her afternoon nap, asks endless questions and it just all-consuming. Don't get me wrong, I love her to pieces, but just find everything so exhausting. I obviously have a fair few holidays as a result of being a teacher, but I also have a hell of a lot of work to do during that time. I am incredibly conscientious when it comes to my work and I feel really stressed out and worried if I am at all behind. I teach a lot of coursework courses and this obviously needs assessing (and often re-assessing) - it takes a lot of time.
What I would love, beyond anything, is when H is off (as he has been this weekend) is for him to say to me "I'll take Cara out today so you can do some marking". Does he do this? No. It's always a 'deal' with him. He has just said to me, "I'll do you a deal - if you take Cara to the farm, then I'll take her to Bluewater with me later on." WTF is that all about? He is her father and yet does everything he can to 'get out' of looking after her. Maybe I should have said to him when we planning a family, "I'll do you a deal - I'll carry this baby for 9 months and give birth if you help me in bringing her up." So - why didn't I say that? Because it's just ridiculous. Parenting is a full time job that we both went in to with our eyes fully open - so why is it, I'm the only one of us doing that job? Gahhhhhh
His idea of childcare is to put the TV on, sit on the settee, ignore her and play on his phone. He doesn't talk to her - he doesn't know how to, because he has never tried. He can't understand what she says and she often has to repeat things three or four times before she even gets a response from him.
I am just so fed up with his 'contribution' right now. He needs a very serious wake up call.
Hi there, this post really hit home for me. I am in the very same situation, except my kids are 22 and 13. My husbnad does not talk much to them, because he just dosen't know how. Whenever he would attempt to "play" with them, they would always send up crying, or have their feelings hurt. He has no idea how to interact with them as people, especially when they were small.He never provided care for them, like baths, bedtime stories, trips to the park etc. I did, and still do, everything.
ReplyDeleteOur son, age 22, is in the Marines in Iraq. My husband does not email him, he asks me if I have heard from Andrew, and occasionally asks me to forward his emails to him. My 13 year old dd describes her dad as "grumpy all the time" I hate that she feels that way, but it's true.
I can tell you if he dosen't change now, he probably never will. Try to have an honest heart to heart talk with him when your dd is not around. It may take more than once, although I must admit it never worked with my husband. Good luck to you! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Mary in TN, USA